Inanity

The taste of grape juice and pickled okra masked by cinnamon toothpaste is better than that of flaming hot cheeto vomit. This is what comes out when I can't put my real thoughts into words. I could not be a writer. I'm done with this day. Next.

Days

Flash in the Pan

I don't know if I'm happy with this anymore. I just got back from a party. A party which should have been a lot of fun. All of my close friends were there, and I had been excited about it for weeks. As it turns out, I did not really enjoy it. Sure I enjoy seeing and talking to everybody, but the truth is I don't like the pattern that we have established for ourselves. I'm tired of spending fortunes on alcohol that doesn't taste good and makes me feel like shit. I've lost the enjoyment of sloshing around from person to person, saying random things to kill time or just trying to get someone to smile. I don't like seeing attractive girls make fools of themselves or realizing that it's near impossible for me to actually meet someone that I will be legitimately interested in in this kind of environment. The problem is, I don't know what else to do. This is what we do now. This is our social interaction, and I don't see it changing for the next three years.

But really, this isn't about girls or my love-longing lifestyle. I just don't think I like the life I live. I loved life my senior year of high school, but unfortunate circumstances ruined my way of thinking right before college started. Now I'm beginning to realize how much I hate what I am again. Will I change? Probably not. I don't think I can. I'll head home tomorrow and take the rest of the weekend off away from everybody, but chances are in a few weeks I'll be right back where I am now. Hoping for things to be different, even though they never will be.

The Year of Recovery

2009.

Homer's Five Step Process in making 2009 the best year ever
Step 1. Drink whiskey, run far
Step 2: Wrestle wild animal.
Step 3: Drink with 2x larger person.
Step 4: Wrestle 2x larger person.
Step 5: Damn few.

This is it, the year that will turn me into the best person I have ever been in my life. I'm going to dominate this year. I'm going to work harder at everything, I'm going to be better at every single thing I do. I'm more motivated than I've ever been. I'll wake up early every day like I normal human for the first time in my life. I'm going to exercise more often, eat better, study harder, and run faster.

The mindset I have going into this year is completely different than the one I had going into the last year. I'm not worried about "maintaining happiness" or whatever I was most concerned with last year. I feel like I've grown up a lot in the past year. I know what needs to be done, and I'm going to do it. I'm not a child anymore. I can't complain when things turn sour, I just have to keep going. I'm in a good place right now. A few things need to be adjusted, but overall I'm okay. I have good friends and I go to a good school. I'm excited.