mumble numble

Ah, another week at the University of Georgia. Good times.... great oldies, Fox 97.1. I have a cut on my hand and my nose that I'm not too pleased about. I'm so hungry too. I think I'll do homework today! I love my life. Seriousness. I wish I had a louder phone though. That's one thing that's really annoying, not being able to hear people. Especially my brother, and he says that I mumble. Mumble mumble. ...

I despise cigarettes. So much. I'm so hungry. This isn't going anywhere. I guess that's when you know you're happy. When you don't have anything to complain about. My mouth tastes like a really nasty vegetable. I guess I could've just said vegetable and made the same point. I wonder why God didn't make vegetables tastier. Good ole God, nothing beats that. My TV is so bloody small. Mumble mumble. ...

I don't remember my dream from last night. That's always sad. I just saw a girl walk up the stairs in the most pitiful fashion. She was cute though. And in the end, I guess that's what truly matters. I think it's time to go into seclusion for a while. Ha, I just realized that might be taken the wrong way. That string of thoughts there, that I just been writtening. Well, it's not that.

I wish my room would hurry up and clean itself. It's really beginning to get on my nerves. It smells like Chan de Maru. And you may ask yourself, what is the point of any of this? And then you realize that life is confusing, and it's best not to be thought about. And then you become comfortably numb.

Pawnbroker?

I've been up about 25 hours now. I'm kind of tired. I have a class in an hour, so napping is out of the question. I also haven't eaten since about 9:30 last night, so I'm a little hungry as well. I'll probably go to eat after class.

I should sleep. I want to sleep. I won't lie, I'm a little afraid to. I worry when I sleep. Well, not actually while I'm sleeping, but before and after. I don't know what's going on and I feel like I lose control of things. That's my problem. I'm too worried about letting things be as they are. Whatever, that doesn't even make sense

Peanut Butter.

I know things that are good for me, and I know things that aren't. Now to act upon this knowledge.

I had a good weekend. It was uneventful, but good. I finally got to go home.

I'm going to be an uncle. That's amazing.

Chuckle (verb): to laugh quietly or inwardly

Although, I'm definitely in the mood to continue my string of self-sorrow posts, I've decided against it. I've become too fond of looking back on a day as opposed to looking forward to the next.

Tomorrow: I'll probably wake up early and not come back for the rest of the day. I need to visit some old friends. It's necessary. I'm going to break this funk of a routine I'm in and actually get stuff done. Maybe I'll turn my phone off. That might make people think I'm mad at them :P. I just need to find myself. You should too.

I don't want to say something that would make someone think I'm talking about them. I try not to talk about individuals, but yes of course those that I'm around inspire what I'm feeling at any given time. Anyway, the point is this. I don't understand people. In general. And it frustrates and saddens me.


Aw crap...

3:01

I'm sad that I didn't get to go home, and now I'm throwing up again. I guess everything is as it always is. It sucks. I'm tired. Video games aren't as fun as they used to be. Poker is frustrating. I don't want to watch TV. I can't bring myself to do work. I'm going to go sleep a little of my life away.

I don't want to be here anymore

I'm tired. I'm shaking. I don't want to live here anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. My heart is beating so fast. It hurts. I'm sick of people. I think I'm finally coming out of my shell. I'm going to throw up again. I think I'll go home this weekend. I need that.

I need to calm down. I can't sleep when I'm like this.

I have a void inside me. I hate feeling like I'm one of those pathetic guys who sits around and mopes about how miserable he is, but that's exactly what I am. I'm lonely. I haven't even seen some of my closest friends this semester. It really kills me not being close to anyone. Sure I've got friends, but no one who I would consider calling a "best friend". Do those even exist anymore? Things just seem to keep getting progressively harder as I move through life. I don't think that I'm like most college students. I sometimes wish I was, but honestly I can't stand how many of them act. I'm finally realizing how much people bother me. As I say this, I still consider myself more tolerant than most people. They just get so mad over the dumbest things.

I really wonder if it's possible to meet someone that I can actually enjoy caring about. I think that's what love is. I care a lot about a lot of people, but it usually hurts. I think once you've found that caring for someone actually makes you happy then you've got what you need.

Of course, it could all be a bunch of bullshit. Maybe you're supposed to go out and just have fun. Do whatever you want, whoever you want, whenever you want. Live for the day, not the future. I don't believe that at all, especially since I've seen how much misery some people go through. Then again, maybe happiness was only meant for a select few. I don't know if I know anyone that is truly happy. Sure people are happy at certain instances in time, I think I'm generally a happy person when I'm around other people, but you can be sure that once I'm by myself things will start tearing at me again. It's hard to say that anyone in my family is really happy.

There really isn't a whole lot to do except to keep waiting for something to happen. Just keep doing whatever until it does.

I've broken so many promises in my life. I need to burn this. All it does is remind me of how much I suck. How much I miss how things used to be. How pathetic I actually am. Nothing good comes from this.

I still can't do it.

Again

I should be sleeping. Nights suck.

Original Flavor

It's 7 in the morning. I'm way too happy to stay mad. It seems pretty foolish in reality, doesn't accomplish a whole lot. I'm a little ashamed of my last post, although I don't believe in feeling bad about the past. I'll play a lot of poker today, maybe watch the 3rd season of The Wire. It's not snowing. I really feel like running today. For miles. I'm happy.