Impending

In my dream again last night. Except this time it was halloween. I don't remember what my costume was. You were both cowboys. A 2 year old said "They took our jaerbs" and I laughed louder than I ever have in real life. I hoped you would realize that you could talk to me. Nope. Closing in on two years. Do I even care anymore? Not a whole lot. The idea of what things could of been, my own personal fantasy, is what keeps getting to me. Plus the random memories of pure happiness. Maybe unobtainable again. I'm not sad. I'm blank. I see my life ahead of me and nothing is exciting.

I am thirty, living in a one room apartment in the city by myself. I get paid more than enough money for my lifestyle. I enjoy working fine, it gives me something to do. A game of sorts. I am not married, nor do I have a girlfriend. This will not change. I am content.

I am thirty, living in a house in the suburbs with my wife and two children. They are spoiled. I make a lot of money, but I am not the one who spends it. I am away from my family most of the time. When I am home, my wife gets on my nerves. I think one of my children may be crazy. I still don't understand other people. I go through the motions. I am content.

I am twenty-three and the world ends while I am asleep. I dream about an English class that I have not attended all semester and end up failing. I panic. You laugh at me and it makes me smile. I am content.

I am thirty, living in a small, yellow house in a small town I didn't grow up in. I don't make a whole lot of money, but it doesn't matter. I go to the high school football games on Friday. I don't have a child on the team. I don't have children. I am married to someone I love. I still enjoy blizzards from Dairy Queen. I am content.

I am thirty, living in my parents basement. I work at the video rental place on the corner. I have for five years. I have read every X-Men comic in existence. I've given up. I am content.

I am twenty, living entirely off of my parents while I attend college. I am majoring in a field that I hope I will be interested in. I see these people and I don't want children. I'm beginning to think that everyone is crazy. I get through the days watching TV and playing video games. Every now and then I make a half-hearted attempt at finding a job. I don't believe that anything is as great as you want it to be, and once you have it you will most likely be disappointed. Still strive, because it's better than not. I am content.