Yeah, I noticed before you told me. I've become what I hate. I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't have any real goals for my life. I have less than when I started college. I don't really care about getting married; I don't even have any desire to have a girlfriend. I don't know if I want kids. I don't care about getting into grad school or ever making it to UNC. I've pretty much decided that I won't ever study abroad. I'll never play soccer again, at least not competitively. Poker cannot support me or anybody in my family. I don't know what I believe in anymore. I don't really care about who our President is. All I really want to do is play video games. The past year has changed me in ways I didn't believe possible. Am I really that different? I'm not as good as I thought I was. I'm not sad, upset, or bitter while I'm writing this either. It's just a reflection of the truth. I really think disappearing for a while would help sometimes, but I like it here. I generally enjoy being how I am. It's funny how the people who criticize me for being a pushover are the ones who take advantage of it the most.
People often ask, "What do you strive for?" In 2007 I would have said that I want everyone to be happy. Now I would probably say that I want myself to be happy. Does that make me selfish? Everyone can only control themselves. I've been alive long enough to know how to make myself happy, and that's really the only responsibility I have to the world. Being happy makes other people happy and enjoy being around you while being sad makes other people not enjoy being around you. It's really simple, although there are exceptions to this every now and then.
I'm really excited about the holidays.
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