Beefcake

My heart hurts. I don't mean that in some lame poetic romance way, I mean that the pounding of my heart is literally making me nauseous. I hate nights, I hate thinking, I hate not having control over things I wish I had control of. i hate messing things up, doing things wrong, ruining opportunities.

There was an episode of 60 minutes on people that can remember every day of their life perfectly. As cool as that would be, I do not think I would be able to handle it. I remember most things very poorly, but almost every night I end up recalling bad times in my life as I try to fall asleep. If I had to face those memories like they were recorded perfectly in my mind day after day then I would go insane. It's bad enough as is with many of the pieces missing, I don't need to be able to see and feel everything again and again. 

Old worries, new worries, time alone, time with others, every day is just going to find a new way to stress me out. 

91 hours and 54 minutes until 2011. Best year ever yet, yahoo, eh. I think this will be a good one. I say that before every year. I think we should cut the year in half so that I can get excited twice as often about changing my life. That's why the new year is so cool, so much hope, a whole new opportunity for everything. Nothing that has happened so far exists anymore. It's all fiction, I could wake up tomorrow without any memories and it wouldn't make a difference. Stop worrying about shit that doesn't matter, you win, you lose, you move on. Just don't fuck it all up anymore.

List for the new year in no particular order:

1. Quit eating fast food

2. Acquire normal sleep pattern

3. Finish College

4. Get Job

5. Move

6. Beat Fallout 3

7. Meet Lil Baby No Name

8. Turn 23

9. Go to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

10. Make a list of things to do in 2012

11. Buy a coat

12. Clean my room

13. Go to the dentist

14. Fix my stomach (goes with #1)

15. Watch Rocky IV

http://faculty.washington.edu/kepeter/119/images/human_heart.jpg