It doesn't seem like there's much out there for a 23 year old. I figure at some point I will be married, with a family, waking up at 6:00 to go to some job that I'll probably hate. Until then I will stay up until the early hours of the morning watching old TV shows on Netflix. Actually, that's what I want. The first thing. The family thing. Although I don't see how I will get there from where I am. Watching old TV shows, drinking PBR, waiting to end up back in Georgia. It's not bad, it's just not anything.
I've been in Chicago for almost exactly 2 months now. During that time I have applied for a few more jobs, failed at a few more interviews, and taken a few more showers. I hate it here.
But why does Georgia look so appealing? When I really think about what I'm missing and the people there, my chest aches, and not in a good way. I worry about what they're doing and how it will hurt when I arrive. It's like when you know the answer to a question before you ask it, but hearing it from someone else is still gut-wrenching. It causes my body actual pain. I think about what I want. The people I care about. And truthfully how little people care in return. Or maybe they just have things to do. Obligations, responsibilities, true reasons for not opening their eyes. I'm not without fault myself, I know I've crushed some happiness. Maybe the stress faced on a daily basis is just too much. Maybe the pain of suppressed memories is too great. I just feel like there are a lot of people out there that don't consider anything. They aren't any happier, but just make fucked up decisions and keep rolling along.
I've been in Chicago for almost exactly 2 months now. During that time I have applied for a few more jobs, failed at a few more interviews, and taken a few more showers. I hate it here.
But why does Georgia look so appealing? When I really think about what I'm missing and the people there, my chest aches, and not in a good way. I worry about what they're doing and how it will hurt when I arrive. It's like when you know the answer to a question before you ask it, but hearing it from someone else is still gut-wrenching. It causes my body actual pain. I think about what I want. The people I care about. And truthfully how little people care in return. Or maybe they just have things to do. Obligations, responsibilities, true reasons for not opening their eyes. I'm not without fault myself, I know I've crushed some happiness. Maybe the stress faced on a daily basis is just too much. Maybe the pain of suppressed memories is too great. I just feel like there are a lot of people out there that don't consider anything. They aren't any happier, but just make fucked up decisions and keep rolling along.
I'm not fond of 23. I've been told I can be anywhere, but really there's nowhere to be. I feel like instead of offering opportunities to fail at, there just are no longer opportunities. I was hoping for a little more this year. I can keep working on puzzles, and watching Angels in the Outfield, but it's not fulfilling. When you have it, don't lose it. I don't know anyone that has it.
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