Sud de la France

Who're you? Don't matter. Want some rye? Course ya do.

I've had this knot in my stomach for four days. I guess it's sticking around. It's what I like to call the uh... Cow Hitch.

I cut my toe nails today. Haven't done that in a while, they were pretty long.

I ran today. Haven't done that in a while, didn't get very far.

I threw up today. Haven't eaten in a while, didn't get much out.

Everybody's been talking at me lately. I've gone from, "the most on fire person he's ever seen" to "a goddamn hero. A good fucking guy" in a week. It's been a rough year 22. But as a wise man once probably said, "There's no way to grow that don't hurt." I haven't grown in seven years.

December 14, 2010

Mark's 22 day of birth. Or would it be 23? He's 22.

Tarver's 8000 day of life.

$2 Moe's day.

Half off Chick-fil-A.

Psychology Final.
World of Warcraft Arena Season 9 begins.

It's not all that bad.

At least the steak bites were good.

Three days in a row. At least I'm miserable enough to keep this up, and I don't think it will end soon either. I keep thinking about it, and I just get furious. I could've prevented all of this. Or at least the part that leaves that bad taste in my mouth. It was bound to suck, but man it could just suck so much less if I had done the right thing. I have to stop looking so far into the future so quickly. The picture I paint always gets me down when it gets destroyed. This was the by far the best picture I've created though. It could've really been something special.

"Don't lose hope." I can't believe he had the audacity to say that to me right before he took most of it away. I wish I could lose hope, it would make all this other shit I'm feeling disappear. Fall in a ditch you piece of shit.

Now I've been in this bed more in the past 2 days then the rest of the month put together. I've been fighting off this sickness for about 3 weeks, but clearly my body doesn't see any point anymore. It's going to suck for whoever has to sit next to me during that Finance final. That's gonna be a doozee. Whatever, if I have to take an extra semester so be it. Most of my plans fall through anyway. I wish I could just sleep the next 4 months away. They're not going to be any fun anymore.

Some Surprises

I'm handling this a bit better than I figured I would. I guess I expected it. I didn't think it would involve my least favorite human on the planet, but so it goes. I guess it means I wasn't as invested as I thought I was. Or maybe I just don't care as much about anything anymore. Oh well. I'm still sad. And very disappointed.

I really try so hard to understand other people. And I don't know anything at all. Nothing ever makes sense.  Left brain my ass, nothing you do is logical. Two weeks left, fuck it. I'm never going to say that again.

I just don't have anything to say. I know I'm going to wake up tomorrow and just start the waiting process over again. I'll probably pick up Warcraft again just so I can kill all the days. Warlocks are still cool, right?

I guess I can't regret it. How do you get excited? I had it figured out for a few weeks. Just another chapter in the book. I'll keep on dreaming.

No Surprises

Gobtacular

Back home. Thanksgiving, again. This is the fourth Thanksgiving I've had since starting college. I'm thankful that college is almost over. My dad just asked me when I start interviewing for jobs, and I tried to play it cool like I had any idea about how I'm actually going to end up employed within the next year. I need to figure that out. That's assuming I don't fail and end up staying on for an extra semester. I usually joke about that, but I'm not sure I'm joking this time. I'm probably joking. But I could be joking. Stay with me here.

Not a whole lot has changed in this house in the past 4 years. My room is still my room. I think my bed might be different, but its still large and comfy. I should say "the bed I get to sleep in" and not "my bed" because I wasn't allowed to take it with me when I moved out. The first thing I get once I get mad money will be a big ole bed. That's not true. My mom changed the study into a baby play room in preparation for all the babies that will exist. It'll be cool to see my 2 year old niece during Christmas. I'll challenge her to arm wrestling. Oh cool news, my brother's baby is going to be a boy. I'm going to name him Krum.

In Thanksgiving related news, the McRib is back. Turkey is still good. And I don't want any of that cranberry nonsense. Bring on the next holiday.

I'm about to turn 22. Or 1 in grown-ass years. I said something very childish today that made me think that I'm not actually growing up but now I can't remember, which is fine evidence that I'm getting older. Not that 22 is old. It's just the point where everything gets weird forever. I'm not saying it's downhill from here because I don't really believe in hills. It's more like in Super Mario Galaxy when you try to long jump off a tiny round planet, but gravity kicks in and you just kind of orbit around a few times before landing at the same point you jumped. Stay with me here.

Truthfully though, despite sucking at school, sucking at Starcraft II, and sucking at not coughing, I'm pretty thankful of where I am right now. And that's.... well, that's just all right.

Tokyo Megaplex

I don't know man. It's easy to sit here and sleep through class. And watch Tango and Cash and think about where I'm going. My brother's going to have a kid. Could be a dude, could be a chick. I want babies. 2 is too few. 4 is too many. 3? Whaterver. I want a son. More than anything. I used to say I wanted to be married more than anything. But I want a little boy to take care of and live through vicariously. No time soon. Not soon enough.

Get mad. That's the advice I have now. Whoa whoa whoa, pizza. Food distractions. I need to run more.

It's bed time. Maybe I'll make it tomorrow.

Duck, duck

Age	Year	Fall
(-1)	1988	[Illinois]: Born
(0)	1989	Illinois? Georgia? Who knows.
(1)	1990	Same as above
(2)	1991	[Georgia]: Preschool
(3)	1992	[Illinois]: Preschool
(4)	1993	[Illinois]: Preschool
(5)	1994	[Illinois]: Kindergarten
(6)	1995	[Illinois]: 1st grade
(7)	1996	[Texas]: 2nd grade
(8)	1997	[Illinois]: 3rd grade
(9)	1998	[Georgia]: 4th grade (school 1)
(10)	1999	[Georgia]: 5th grade (school 2)
(11)	2000	[Georgia]: 6th grade (school 3)
(12)	2001	[Georgia]: 7th grade (school 3)
(13)	2002	[Georgia]: 8th grade (school 3)
(14)	2003	[Georgia]: 9th grade (school 3)
(15)	2004	[Georgia]: 10th grade (school 4)
(16)	2005	[Georgia]: 11th grade (school 4)
(17)	2006	[Georgia]: 12th grade (school 4)
(18)	2007	[Georgia]: College year 1
(19)	2008	[Georgia]: College year 2
(20)	2009	[Georgia]: College year 3
(21)	2010	[Georgia]: College year 4
(22)	2011	[Anywhere]: Reality year 1