19 Years Bottled Up

I'm sick of fucking feeling sorry for people. I wish I didn't care. I'm tired of my feelings turning out to be pointless. If they want to do what they want to do, fucking let them. Fucking everything I try to do turns out wrong. I'm sick of listening to problems. No matter how much I care, it doesn't fucking matter. I wish I could just isolate myself and learn. That way I could fucking do what I'm supposed to do without any distractions. My life is so fucking good, but everyone else has so many problems. I wish people I cared about felt the same way I do. It's really frustrating. There are so many beautiful people that have no idea what gifts they are. It fucking pisses me off. I'm sick of being the nice guy that sits back and feels like he missed his chance. I also hate fucking assholes that take advantage of whatever they can get. Or fucking assholes that are dicks to the girls they go with. I'm so mad. They suck. I wish people understood. My brother just quit school, what am I supposed to do but feel sorry for him? He's not in a state where I can be mad at him. My mom is upset because her kids aren't turning out like she wanted. What the fuck am I supposed to do? Be that perfect kid that she really wanted? I'm sorry. I am who I am. That's all there is to it. I wish everything was easy. I wish the ones I loved understood. You may think I'm talking about you, and you might be right. My life may be perfect, but there's a lot of shit I'm feeling right now. Loving is a lot harder than it should be.

I guess I'll go to sleep and try again tomorrow.

vacant

Hope's a good thing to have. Or at least I always assumed it was. I guess as long as it isn't a distraction it's ok. Also as long as it is within reason. Can't waste your time hoping for 2.5 million dollars to fall into your shoes. That probably won't happen. Hope leads to depression.

I keep having this daydream where wings bust out of my back and ruin whatever shirt im wearing. It's kind of weird. It usually happens when I'm looking at the lake.

Wishes are dumb too. They never work.

I feel like something has to happen eventually.

Never for Money, Always for Love

That will do.

Untitled: January 7, 2008

Published: June 12, 2010

The Year of the Goomba Shoe

I've never been one for making New Year's resolutions. I think they're lame and end up making me upset because I never keep them. Of course I have goals that I hope to accomplish and different things that I wish to implement into my life, but I don't think I need to make a list of them so that I can cross them off as I fail to uphold them. For example, I want to do well in school. Well duh, why wouldn't I want to do well in school? It's not like I go here not hoping to succeed. I want to do something with my life, even if I'm not sure what that is. I also have this distaste for disappointing people, which will hopefully propel me into working harder this year.

2007 was a very inconsistent year. If I were one fond of the expression "Roller Coaster Ride" then I might use it here. The good times were some of the best in my life and the bad times were some of the worst. So much changed in such a short period of time. In 2008, I wish to reduce the bad times while maintaining or increasing the good. Seems like I simple enough desire, and also one that I believe is not unobtainable. I've already kicked off the poker year quite nicely. I'm really looking forward to this. Best year yet...Ever!

Stuck in Payne

I'm in Athens for the night, not a whole lot to do.

I'm going ice skating tomorrow. It should be a lot of fun.

I wish I had a VCR right now so I could watch An American Tail.

It's almost 2008. I hope I do better.



I need a haircut

Pickle 2007

Christmas has come and gone, but I must say that it was a good Christmas. After what would end up being the longest search for Christmas Tree preserved cucumber in Johnson family history, I ended up being the pickle victor this year.

With two new additions to the family stepping up to compete, the odds were tougher. Minute after minute went by with no success. Overcome by hunger, Kathy was forced to withdraw from the search, but her husband and the other four pushed on. Dan's massive non-Johnson physique and ridiculous desire to reach for false fruit provided a distraction while his wife's keen eye darted here and there, seeking to once again be crowned champion. Adam, after recently recovering from sinus surgery, hoped to obtain what he claimed to be his first pickle victory. Now, the record books do not show whether or not Adam truly has never found this elusive pickle, but none of us felt the need to argue with this statement. Austin, who has been successful in the past, was not so this year. With the fear of breaking the glass ornaments on his mind, perhaps he was more tentative than usual, but it can not be certain what was going through the mind of the young monk that day. For it is never certain what is going through the mind of that young monk on any day. Alex, the youngest yet just as experienced as the others, never gave up. Listening to every word Moms said, trying to decode the simple sentences into what they truly could mean he began to search more quickly. Knowing that it is often a similar colored ornament that the pickle is hid near, Alex looked behind everything that could possibly contain that strange combination of green and gray. After Papa was berated several times for getting in the way and Dan almost broke at least two ornaments, Alex looked behind a grayish green butterfly to discover the hidden treasure. Moms verified that it was indeed the true pickle and the match was over. Alex "Deuce Magoose" Johnson took home the $26 prize and the title of Pickle Champion 2007.