I don't swear much

Damn it.


*NOTE June 12, 2010: This is what I originally ended up posting on August 31, 2008 instead of the post that can now be viewed below this one. On June 12, 2010 I decided to publish the original, but I wanted to keep this one too.

Swing me higher, Richard

Damn. I feel terrible. You were right, you did tell me. That makes it my fault. That's the worst feeling in the world. The tremendous feeling of deja vu isn't helping either. I can't have best friends.

I wanted so much for you to be happy. Maybe that's what started it all. I thought I could "fix" it. I had no idea what affect it would have on me. I miss you already despite everything. This is for the best though. It has to be. Right?

Very few people I meet are really happy, which makes me wonder what I'm doing. I want to run away to my house. I should have done that earlier. stop hurting people you care about alex. Why does everything have to be so...

I don't know what to write about. I just know I won't be able to sleep. I'm sure I'm not the only one with that problem tonight.


Published: June 12, 2010
*NOTE: This is the original entry that I wrote on August 31, 2008. I was not comfortable posting it at the time so I chose to simply use the entry that can be found above this one.

Deuces and Jacks

Poker. I've played a lot of it in my life. I don't think I'm that good. Well, sometimes I am. I am good at not going broke completely, but I have a hard time winning a whole lot.


Published: June 12, 2010

Tortilla Chips and Fire Sauce

My nose itches and the title of this post has nothing to do with anything. Well, the fire sauce is sitting right next to my computer. I guess that's a little something. No tortilla chips though. I started this blog thinger last November. That means it's closing in on a year. Despite that, I still think blogs are pretty dumb. Pictures are cool though. I have to study for a quiz. Or randomly write on random people's facebook walls. And then a random song by Poison pops in my head. I think my brain is messed up. I'll probably dream about Slim-Fast tonight. Or Magnavox. Things begin to bore me after a while. I like understanding everything I say despite it's ridiculousness. Writing is just for me to have fun. Some people have real problems. I have spiders and an overabundance of Mello Yello cans. That's the first time I realized there is no Y at the end of the Yello that follows the Mello. Commercials for medicines make me angry.

Recycle

Sometimes I'm not okay with myself. I think it might be time to hide. I wonder if my bed is going to catch on fire tonight. I don't know where I'm going. I'm a whiner. Not this again. Go to school, get a job, erase empty time and thoughts will go with it. I'm not clever, I don't try to be. My stomach hurts 18 hours a day. I like sleeping because dreams are better than real life.

UGA Fall 2008 Day 2

Classes
ANTH 1102
ACCT 2101
PSYC 1101

Today was pretty easy as well. Accounting is going to be my hardest class. I'm hoping to drop either Anthropology or Psychology and pick up Classical Mythology (my Latin teacher from 9th grade teaches that class). I got a new UGA card today, and it appears that I need a haircut. Dangnation.

UGA Fall 2008 Day 1

Classes
ECON 2106
ECON 2105

Today was easy, but I still threw up. I'm tired of getting sick on the first day of school. I thought that was supposed to stop happening in Elementary School. Both of the classes I went to today seemed pretty good though; unfortunately, tomorrow is going to be much worse.

Flamingos and Happy Stars

When I asked Captain Alex about love he seemed rather amused at the subject.

"Love is a silly thing. I never personally experienced anything that convinced me that there was any 'love' like that described in books or movies. I am positive it exists though because my friend Solomon convinced me of it. He fell in love with this one girl at a pretty young age. Before his twenties I believe. I can't really remember her name now that I think about, although he must have told me hundreds of times. It started with an A or an S or something. Anyway, this girl must have been something else the way Sol talked about her. Night after night he would put me to sleep describing how beautiful her smile was. Course this wasn't until I had been traveling with him for over a year. He never even mentioned her to me or, anyone else for that matter, until I pestered him about that book he was always scribbling in. Always would just say 'nothing' in that boring voice of his when I'd ask him what he was writing about. First few times I asked I didn't really care, just thought I'd try to make conversation with the guy. After about 35 'nothings' I really became interested though. He'd get this face whenever he'd write in that book. Something like he knew it was all pointless. You, me, everything that we did was just an unavailing sequence of events that served no true purpose. I never agreed with the idea that our lives were pointless, but then again I achieved what I wanted. I think he just did what people expected of him."

"Anyway, back to my point. After a few months of asking him what he was writing about in his book he told me it mainly was about this girl he used to know. I asked him if he had gotten her pregnant, and I will never forget the look he gave me. It was a mixture of disgust and sorrow. Of course this only lasted for a second before he made his little smile and said 'No, it's not like that. I love her though.' This was a little surprising considering that I had never heard him even mention anything from his past the entire time I had been with him. How could he supposedly love a girl that he hadn't had any contact with for so long? I assumed it must have been his old girlfriend or maybe even wife, so I asked him how long they were together. He gave a little snort at this and simply responded, 'Not long enough.' That was all I got out of him that night and usually I would have lost interest, seeing as how love stories tend to bore me, but Sol had a way of making you want to know more. And you could tell he really wanted someone to talk to about it too.

"So that girl you're always writing about, what's she like?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? You seem to have a lot to say about her when you're writing every night. Can I see that book?"

"I already told you no. There's not much to say really? She's just another person."

"Mmmhmm. Does she write about you?"

"No."

"Is she still alive."

"Far as I know."

"And you love her?"

"Yes."

"But you never see her or talk to her?"

"Right."

"I don't understand."

"Didn't expect you to."

"What's she like?"

"Perfect"


"Sol wasn't really much of a talker. I'd sometimes ask him if he ever thought about finding another girl, and he'd always say yes. I knew he never would though. Sol was stubborn, probably the most stubborn person I've ever met on this planet. He had it set in his mind that this girl was the perfect girl for him. Best in the world, and he would not settle for anything less. I know he wouldn't have been truly happy if he had either. I always thought that some day he would meet her again. The moment it would happen he would turn to me and smile and not say anything. He wouldn't need to say anything. Then he would turn and leave with her and he'd finally be happy. I didn't just think this would happen, I KNEW it would happen. How could it not? How could a guy like Sol possibly deserve anything less? But of course sometimes things just don't go how they should despite all logical reasoning."

Don't leave spoons in blizzards when putting them in freezers

See that red thing? That's the spoon part of my spoon. I left the plastic spoon in my blizzard when i put it in the freezer for later eats. When i tried to take the spoon out, it shattered.

Snores.

I'm in Indiana, but the snores are keeping me from sleeping. I wonder if I should sleep in the bathroom. The tub is really big, but I can still hear the snoring from in here. It never stops. I think for about an hour I was dreaming about how to make the snores stop. I failed to figure it out before they woke me up again.