Three Dreams

The other two were not necessarily "sad" as I said, but rather were just difficult to wake up to, similar to the "taunting" dreams I talked about here. In actuality they were both extremely pleasant dreams. In the first one I faced a girl that I once dated, and the dream was just a rehash of the good times. Smiles and walks, one kiss. None of the sadness or disruption that followed or preceded our time together. It was simple, shocking at first, then I just accepted it, and was happy. Because it is something I still want, and why not?

The second [or third really as it was the one that got me out of bed] was more intricate and puzzling. It involved a girl that I was very close to 6 years ago. My best friend, really. My first "love" I guess, although we were never "together." She's been popping up every once in a while in my dreams for what seems like forever, but the frequency in which it happens has decreased remarkably since my freshman year of college. Anyway, I was in the same room with the guy she dated back in high school. I don't know if we were there as friends or simply potential coworkers, but I realized I was in the process of applying for a job at the business that he worked at. We talked, we used to be friends after all. I don't remember any of the details, but it dawned on me that I would probably see the girl in the future, too. Eventually she made her appearance, and I acknowledged her, but refused to look at her. We had a robotic conversation, similar to the fake scripts you spout to old acquaintances that you run into downtown during a night of drinking. "How ya been? What are you studying? Where are you working?" the usual. Eventually something about her seemed to suggest that she was glad to see me. I finally looked up at her face and when we made eye contact, I just smiled. We both smiled. It was as if seeing her was the best thing that had happened to me since the last time I had seen her. It wasn't romantic or longing, it was just friendship. I didn't care that she had a boyfriend or that we would never be together, it was just seeing the face of someone who had meant so much to me and had been gone for so long. I ran up to her and gave her the biggest, most sincere hug I've ever given anyone. It actually reminded me of the hug I had given her after we both graduated and I told her how much I would miss her. And that's the last thing I remember.

It's funny how a dream can completely control your mind at the beginning of the day. I spent the first few hours thinking back on how I felt and still feel about this girl from high school. How different she is [or was, I guess] from everyone I've met in college. How in reality, my new "loves" have been nothing like her. It was oddly comforting. I know if I had stayed awake after my first dream then I would have spent the day depressingly thinking about that one girl from college that is no longer in my life. Either regretting everything entirely or thinking about what I could have done better. Not saying I was completely happy thinking about my old friend, it just gave me a different perspective from what I had thought about in a while. Which can be necessary to show just how foolish some of our sadness, thoughts, and other feelings actually are.