Show Your Teeth

Well, it got me. The shower showed me who's boss.

It's February 29. It's Grandmama's birthday. I miss her.

I'm home, doing some laundry. My head hurts quite a bit. I can't believe they put staples in my head. They just stapled my head like it was nothing. It hurt and I'm sleepy.

http://www.angelfire.com/vt2/g_hols/Niceguy
I found this on October 16, 2007. It's a good example of pent up frustration.

Day 7027

I think next year will be a really good year. I'm looking forward to it. I'm so unproductive right now. I officially need to find a new future for myself.

I treat college the same as I treated high school. I don't study until the day I have a test. I don't do my homework. I get to class late. I don't learn much of anything.

I need a job. Nothing would make me happier than working at Chuck E. Cheese's. Actually, I can think of a lot of things that would make me happier, but I still would enjoy a job there. Buh, I'm tired. But not sleepy.

I'm ready for Spring Break. What do I have planned? Nothing. It's perfect.

I'm about to go to McDonalds at 1:46 in the morning. I'm not hungry. What a weird life. This is not how I imagined this year to be. I wonder how it would be if I was at UNC.

Recluse

Care is a better word than worry.

I'm not good at arguing or expressing what I'm feeling. I never get the right words out. I usually regret what I say, but it's too late.

I have so much to watch and read. Maybe I'll stay in for a while.

Fat Bottomed Girls

Here's the deal, listen up. I'm out of goldfish. I need to pick some more up pretty soon. If only I had a genie...If I had a genie I'd be richer than a king! God knows, I want to break free. This time I know it's for real.

Mama, is this the real life? Please? Sometimes I wonder. I keep wasting time, yet I don't mind. This writing (which is not in fact writing at all) serves 0-2 points of purpose. That's not very many points if you're confused. Of course, it's not the worst thing I could be doing right now.

Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time. I might even turn the world inside out. You know, just because. There's no stopping me. Although, I'm not sure I can face this life alone. It makes me worry. No hanging my head, because that's not the way. The way...

Turned away from it all like a blind man. Why? So much suffering, but so much happiness. Care for the people. That's all there is. Care, love, be kind. You won't win, ever, but that's not the point. The point is to affect other people. Perhaps one day you will get yours, but don't count on it. Why not do what you can to make someone else happy? You have time. You'll get frustrated with how much other people suck, but that's doesn't matter. Because you are all you are, and they are all you have.

God knows I want to break free.

Peace

I'm finally cleaning out all the old text messages that have been clogging up my phone for months now. I'm really sick of looking at them. Memories are great, but not when they only make you regret things. I've had a lot of great times with a lot of great people, but I'm having new great times now and don't feel like wasting time looking back. Things are fun while they last, but once they're over you really have to move on.

All done.

Piece

"No matter how strong you think you are, you can't stand against everything God throws at you. And that's a good thing, so don't be mad at him."

"Just be yourself."

"It'll be okay. Sooner or later, everything will be okay."

"Let's make it a year worth happily remembering, k?"

"Everything is different now. We are different now."

"Don't pick up my habits."

"Does everybody need somebody to love?"

"It's okay, you made me smile."

"How do you always know exactly what to say?"

"I might miss you a little bit."

"Just let go and forget about everything and about me."

That's The Way

It's funny how you try to get away from things, but generally it just makes them worse.

I'm kind of getting tired of my college life. I'm really beginning to consider taking a year off next year. I keep telling myself that's a bad idea, but it might be what I want to do. What I want. Agricultural Engineering, Computer Science, Education, Food Science... I don't know what is mine.

I can't make people happy.

Video games, TV shows, Books, Sandwiches. That's what I have to look forward to when I get home. I'll work out today. That's a temporary solution that's actually beneficial. I could've actually had fun last night, but I had pretty much already made the decision not to. Blah blah blah. Whine Whine Whine. Hey my dad just made some steak... Now if only I enjoyed steak as much as other people.

I can't win at poker anymore. That's when you know something is wrong with you. I don't even feel like playing. Money doesn't make me happy anyway.

There aren't any chairs on my dock anymore.

My dog is eating dead flowers and wood. She's silly.

This post doesn't deserve a title, so instead I'm going to type until they don't let me anymore. Which might actually be longer than I initially expe

Well, thank God that week is over. Sunday sucked, which is always a bad way to start the week. Monday was better, but only because I escaped to my house. Tuesday was actually a pretty great day. Wednesday...what happened on Wednesday? Oh yeah, I slept through all my classes. I need to stop doing that. Thursday was dedicated to studying for / taking a Geology test. That, and it was Valentine's day. Worthless day.

Valentine's day wouldn't bother me if it weren't for other people moping about. Cause you know, feeling sorry for yourself makes everything better. Everyone has their own problems and all that good stuff, but it does get old. Eventually you just have to get over it. I should take my own advice. I'm the same.

LOST was pretty good. I like that show. Best part of the day.

Anyway, Friday. Today. Woke up and studied for a religion test for 3 hours, and then I took the test. I need to put more effort into school. I need to get out of this dorm. I need to find something I actually enjoy. Price of sniffs.

This weekend will most likely suck, but whatever. The best thing I did this week was make the cleaning lady smile today. That actually makes it all worth it.

Fuego

Because this helps.

Night Flight

If something is supposed to happen, it will. I'm supposed to go home today and eat a tasty sandwich, who am I to defy the natural order of things? It can't be changed, it's already happening.

Bollocks

Update: I'm home now and it feels great. Sometimes you just have to get away. Today was that day. I was lucky that my brother happened to stay in Athens all weekend despite saying he was going home on Friday. He also was planning on going home right when I called to see if he was in town. Coincidence? Probably.

I didn't actually get to eat a tasty sandwich. Instead I had rice bean taco taco. I'm feeling the after affects right now.

I almost had another panic attack today. Yay for sucking at life. Life is a big part of day to day activity, so it's pretty sad that I suck at it. Oh well. I might change my major, or maybe I'll quit school. It's been suggested. It's time to reevaluate why I am at school in the first place.

Memories

I forget so much. I try to write to retain some of my experiences. Sometimes it hurts to look back. Maybe somethings should be left out.

I read the letter again today. I guess I forgot what it really said. It still aches to think about, but I've gotten much better. There are just so many "what ifs" that I can't help but thinking about.

What if I had never left Illinois. I'd be amazing at soccer. I would've had more luck with girls growing up. I wouldn't be as shy. Maybe everyone else would be happier.

I wouldn't missed a lot. Still, I find it hard to believe it wouldn't have been better.


Published: June 12, 2010

Reminisce

And everything changed.

Fate

I have a bad feeling, and I'm never wrong.

I've been denting my cans for as long as I can remember. It's how I know they're mine.


Published: June 12, 2010

mumble numble

Ah, another week at the University of Georgia. Good times.... great oldies, Fox 97.1. I have a cut on my hand and my nose that I'm not too pleased about. I'm so hungry too. I think I'll do homework today! I love my life. Seriousness. I wish I had a louder phone though. That's one thing that's really annoying, not being able to hear people. Especially my brother, and he says that I mumble. Mumble mumble. ...

I despise cigarettes. So much. I'm so hungry. This isn't going anywhere. I guess that's when you know you're happy. When you don't have anything to complain about. My mouth tastes like a really nasty vegetable. I guess I could've just said vegetable and made the same point. I wonder why God didn't make vegetables tastier. Good ole God, nothing beats that. My TV is so bloody small. Mumble mumble. ...

I don't remember my dream from last night. That's always sad. I just saw a girl walk up the stairs in the most pitiful fashion. She was cute though. And in the end, I guess that's what truly matters. I think it's time to go into seclusion for a while. Ha, I just realized that might be taken the wrong way. That string of thoughts there, that I just been writtening. Well, it's not that.

I wish my room would hurry up and clean itself. It's really beginning to get on my nerves. It smells like Chan de Maru. And you may ask yourself, what is the point of any of this? And then you realize that life is confusing, and it's best not to be thought about. And then you become comfortably numb.

Pawnbroker?

I've been up about 25 hours now. I'm kind of tired. I have a class in an hour, so napping is out of the question. I also haven't eaten since about 9:30 last night, so I'm a little hungry as well. I'll probably go to eat after class.

I should sleep. I want to sleep. I won't lie, I'm a little afraid to. I worry when I sleep. Well, not actually while I'm sleeping, but before and after. I don't know what's going on and I feel like I lose control of things. That's my problem. I'm too worried about letting things be as they are. Whatever, that doesn't even make sense

Peanut Butter.

I know things that are good for me, and I know things that aren't. Now to act upon this knowledge.

I had a good weekend. It was uneventful, but good. I finally got to go home.

I'm going to be an uncle. That's amazing.